He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
