Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
