It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
