Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
