i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
