I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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