My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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