Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
