a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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