So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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