wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
