I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
