did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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