i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
