She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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