I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
