Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
