I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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