I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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