we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
