Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
