I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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