And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
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