if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
