At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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