Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
