i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
