when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
