Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
