literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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