Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
