Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
