mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
