I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
