i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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