no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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