dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
