So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
