Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
