im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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