Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
