Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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