Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
