at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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