Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
