I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
there is puke in my bra ... again
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
