I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
