The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
