she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
