I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
