Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
